29/04/2010

Things I learnt today


Back away from aggressive bears slowly, if provoked throw sticks and stones and make loud noises, don't play dead; if you fight back you'll statically stand a better chance.
I’d love to know who tested the play dead theory!
If attacked by a Shark, claw at its eyes and gills
If you happen to be swimming with a pencil, I’d suggest using that... I suppose the thing I’ve really learn is to always take a pencil into the water with you!
Apply vinegar to box jelly fish stings and remove any barbs with a credit card
I’m assuming a MasterCard works best?
Let a hippopotamus know you’re coming by making lots of noise.
There’s not a lot you can do if attacked by a hippopotamus other than getting out of the way. I suppose it would die soon enough if you jabbed both its eyes out with a pencil!
Charging Elephant? See above
Crocodiles major jaw muscles are used for closing, so sit on its mouth and then it can’t bite you!
Finally a real useful benefit from being a fatty?
 Stare large cats directly in the eyes, if they are close enough punch and kick them in the face.
I don’t know how best to define a ‘large’ cat, I’ll assume that means overweight, and I’ll also assume that those sounds its making are threatening! Die Kitty!
A king cobra can rear up so it looks you directly in the eye!
Good news! I can proceed to stab it with a pencil!

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